My Story !

I don't really like to talk about my personal side with people and here I am posting it for the world to see. I came to the realization that we are given hardships and struggles in our lives not to hide them and be embarrassed about them, but to share them with others so we can relate, encourage, and just possibly make life a little more variable. So here I am giving you a glimpse into the past, present, and future of myself. I have always struggled with weight management and always longed to be smaller, thinner, and perfect. My self esteem has been a constant battle in my life. I had to be the best at everything that I did and thought that people were judging me. This not only damaged relationships, I made myself a guarded person who learned it was easier to not let anyone in rather then open myself up to potential hurt. When I was in junior high I put on a lot of weight. I was the heaviest I had been my entire life. I found comfort in food, because people just tended to disappoint me. However, when I reached high school I found a new way to hide my feelings and that was though joining a competitive cheer team. I lost a lot of weight and got in shape. I grew to love working out! I loved how it made me feel and even more so look. However, I still wasn't happy with my life because there was still a lot of emotional scars that needed to be healed and personal acceptance to be done. Another thing that happened in high school was I got involved in a messed up relationship that really warped my sense of security. It became a toxic situation for the two of us. It was emotionally abusive and I learned to bury my feelings. This would lead to being ignored or getting a response that just left me with confusion and hurt. I found it was easier to hide emotions then deal with them. I also developed an eating disorder around this time, it was my way keeping myself in "control" of at least one thing in my life. I would starve myself as long as possible, end up binging on sugar, (because my body needed some type of fuel source) then I'd feel super guilty and purge it up in the toilet, shower, or anywhere I could hide it. I became so obsessed with it, that I literally could not even eat a full meal without feeling partly guilty. I couldn't focus unless I threw up and I knew I was a mess. Even though I tried to convince myself that I was in control I knew deep down that this disorder had complete control over me and it was affecting every aspect of my life (social, emotional, and physical. I never wanted to go anywhere social because that meant I might have to eat in front of people and heaven forbid it be something unhealthy, I was an emotional wreck, and physically drained because of limited calorie intake and crazy long exercise sessions. My saving grace was when I went to Africa for a summer, the year after I graduated high school. I learned so much about myself there and how much I take for granted in life. People in Africa literally have nothing and are still one of the happiest people I have ever met in my life. Swaziland, Africa has the highest prevalence of HIV/AIDS in the world. The death rate is so much higher then the birth rate that it is predicted to not even exists within 50 years. That's when it hit me, I don't know exactly when, probably sometime between taking water bottle showers and holding half naked orphans until they fell asleep in your arms. It hit me that we aren't put in this world for ourselves, but to help out others who are less fortunate or just plainly don't know how to help themselves. Through helping out others, it starts a circle of love that can turn this world into a beautiful place. I realized that life isn't meant to be controlled and that's what makes it beautiful. Being healthy isn't somethin

created by crazy diets and exercise routines, but it's a way of life. When I got home I started on a road to recovery. I started going to a nutrition school to learn the proper way to become healthy and recently became a certified AADP health coach and a certified NASM personal trainer. I can't wait to share my journey of health and wellness with you all! "Good things come to those who wait, but great things come to those who act." Your life is now... it's time to actually live it!